I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize