He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
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There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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