Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
