Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
