Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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