walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize