Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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