I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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