Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
