so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
