i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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