Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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