As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
