I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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