My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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