well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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