thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
