I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
