bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
