That's intense
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
