your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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