apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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