I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
