hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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