I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
