conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
