It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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