i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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