I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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