I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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