New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's always time for handjobs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
