my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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