Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
