just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
