Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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