I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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