onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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