I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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