her facebook's as public as her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize