I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
