Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
