am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize