My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
