Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
