He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
