I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
