Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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