if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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