I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize