She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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