I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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