Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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