Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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