we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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