After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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