were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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