Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize