Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
