i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
